this was exactly how it felt when i chose to remain silent & numb. if i had said everything it was ok & alright, i'd be freaking lying cus it was just awful. its like when you think you're about to fall in love, you felt out of love unknowingly & this sentence had always been inked in my heart. and it never failed to happen either, be it past or present. bcus even you, have proven it.
i just wished that you didnt appeared at all or in fact i wished i never knew you at all. at all. at all! seeing you again today just made me felt like dying once again. bcus i still seriously from the bottom of my heart, cannot accept like how things drastically changed! like some drama mama. it was exactly one/two/three day since the last mail when everything was clearly said, you offically got attached. now, looking back, i felt like a big fartard fool to you to me. like tossed like spinned like everything.
Initally i really did thought i was the one doing all these, leading you on and i felt really damn bad. that's when i decided i should really make a decision and make everything clear. but now no, it seems like it have always been the other way round. i was the clown, not you. it just appeared to me that either me/her was the subsitute for each other. Like there was a plan A/B thingy going on and on when I was totally wasting my time and B-noes time, gf's time, everyone's time, asking around, thinking day & night, trying to figure out my next crucial step, my next move carefully. But, I was wrong, it was a total wrong choice to even think about it. because, no matter what choice i made, what step i take, i'll probably still fell into the same dark hole, just a matter of time only, i guess. & of cus, You didnt even know what you truely wanted when you came over. You stirred everything up then you left. whattheholyfish?
The entire drama abrupted my life for abt 1month. or no, 1week. It was like, eh, so this is your true colour? no? idk? you're so unpredictable. so scary to me now. very. but its ok. so long you're happy. cus everything probably doesnt appear to impact you at all. not all all. & each fall just make things harder to stand, no. definately not this time. cus i learnt everything this time. Sorry if i sounded really nasty here, cus i want to set this thing free.
&I want to express my super heartfelt thanks to all & sorry to all.
Especially kyle.
Thankyou for tolerating & listening to all those bullshit stuffs i did say. & thankyou for being understanding and it was just.. amazing at how you would listen to them. i felt bad & really sorry over everything. those shit i gave you during then. sorry sorry & really sorry. sorry for not being able to see everything that's been going on when everyone else could cus i was seriously blinded by 1cent coin. :D Thanks alot. Things will go better slowly, day by day :D
Ironic week thou.
But i felt damn good now :D step by step ( Y ' _ ' Y)